Cinematic Destruction

I used to host small Oscar parties which over the years petered out to just myself and one friend who was interested. Then Covid hit and this year I couldn’t be assed to dig up the antennae from a moving box to see if I could get a reception with the war in Ukraine taking presence of mind.

Dune was the first movie I saw in a theatre since the pandemic began and I gave myself a well-deserved award for not running to the bathroom for three hours – which was basically letting everyone know l liked the movie so much my body withheld any impulse to pee. It also helped that I didn’t take a super big gulp, gulping drink into the theatre.

Thrilled by the cinematic experience I threw myself asap into the Bond movie before it disappeared from the big screen. Unfortunately, I didn’t pay attention that it was a ScreenX showing and so found myself entirely pissed off with the gimmicky cinematic destruction of the film being beamed to the side walls.

And that was it for movies in the cinema as Omicron hit before you could even pronounce it. My mood in the month before the Oscars had been dominated by events in Ukraine. With disinterest I flicked through Amazon to see Spencer for hire, the unnecessary retelling of Diana’s story where the princess discovers her inner scarecrow. The night before the ceremony I watched Coda, which turned me into a blubbery mess halfway through. This beats out not having to pee for three hours, so I was quite happy it won Best Picture.

Then there was Will Smith. Sometimes I wish we could live in simpler times. How many people saw that and went WTF and laughed because it was funnier than Chris Rock’s joke? Or didn’t know how to process it so laughter filled the void. The joke passed me by because I didn’t know Jada Pinkett Smith had a bald head (or alopecia). A joke that wasn’t funny but drew awkward laughs because Chris Rock is well, meant to be funny and that was the punch line, and one that should’ve been met with stony silence, or just not delivered.

We all know that Will shouldn’t do what he did, that we shouldn’t do that, but it seems placing him in the same category as Harvey Weinstein is excessive.

Let’s not forget this is an industry which regularly displays violence on screen. Sometimes cartoonish, often gratuitous, and occasionally personal and shocking. Hollywood lives off violence. How many people has Keanu Reeves knocked off because someone killed his puppy, or Liam Neeson in defending his family, or ditto, Bruce Willis over the years? If Will felt he was defending his family, then in Hollywood lore he can’t regret what did, but he can regret the consequences and learn from it – we all can.

But does it need a holier than thou response, either from media or this unimpeachable organization of the highest morality, of self-import, somehow representing and taking responsibility for an industry of questionable shit (including a century of shitty behaviour). And there’s the questionable decision about allowing a vulnerable person to co-present an award. I’m sure the health of Liza Minnelli was checked beforehand, and while Lada Gaga took the plaudits for her response, the distress is heart wrenching. Perhaps the Academy should consider a moratorium on awards.

Its awards show ratings have tanked, so one of the great movie stars losing their shit on the night doesn’t do it any harm. Maybe I’ll find my antennae next year. Maybe I’ll wait for the announcement that Will and Chris will co-host. 

Maybe it’s best to leave it to them. Chris Rock probably has the biggest decisions to make. No doubt his lawyers are counselling him on suing everything from the Academy to the popcorn and those super gulp, gulping drinks. It’s hard to see Chris as a victim because comedians are licensed bullies and I’ve been seeing pictures and reading about bombed out apartments, of millions of refugees, of chaos and destruction. It was in this this world Will Smith’s slap on him was thrust upon me, so forgive me if it seems utterly trivial. The barbarians are at the gate. One of them was president for four years. I’ve got bigger vegan fish to fry.